Pets are magical, whimsical mysteries that come into our lives to make us less miserable. Without pets, we’d just live with humans and honestly, who really wants to do that?
If you’re like us, whenever you look at your cat or dog (or ferret, if that’s your thing) and stare into those big eyes, you can’t help but wonder what they’re thinking. You feel like there are thoughts and words behind the facade, but alas, animals can’t talk and we’re left wondering what they would say if they could say anything.
Communicating with and understanding your pets is frustrating and we just wish it were easier. If they could talk, here’s what we’d want them to say.
We greet our pets every time we catch a view of them, so they should greet us back.
“I love you.”
Obviously, this would make our hearts melt. Pet owners could hear this over and over again and never get tired of it. We usually question if our pets really like us. This way, we’ll always know.
“I don’t feel well.”
Nothing is more heartbreaking than knowing something is wrong with your pet, but not knowing exactly what it is. They are your fur babies, so knowing how they’re feeling will would be super helpful and would put our minds at ease.
“Don’t touch me.”
Apparently, a pet showing you their belly isn’t always an invitation to touch it, but we do it anyway. Maybe they’re just stretching. Maybe they’re just mean. It might not be something we want to hear, but something we need to hear.
“Seriously, don’t touch me.”
Just in case we do it again, which we probably will because we can’t help it.
“Please put me down.”
If you’re like us, you pick up your pet every time you pass them them on the way to the kitchen. Imagine if someone picked you up literally every time they saw you. Seriously, think about it. Maybe hearing them say they don’t like it will make you stop and will make your pet love you more. Or not. They could just be mean.
“Let’s listen to this cool new podcast I just found instead.”
Animals have to do something more than sleeping and eating when we’re not around, right? Don’t they get bored? We think they snoop around on our computers when we’re gone and find cool things to occupy their time. Though we’re over taking suggestions from other people on what podcasts are ~hip~ at the moment, we’d surely take them from our pets. They know us best.
“I love this sweater you’ve put me in.”
How great would it be to know that your pets actually like it when you dress them up? They look so cute! Now you can organize that pet Halloween party you’ve always wanted to plan, but was never quite sure about.
“I think you’re really cute, too.”
It would be nice for them to to compliment us every once in a while. JEEZ.
“This food sucks.”
Pet food looks like straight up garbage. Do our pets think so, too? Do they like that goopy stuff that comes out of a can? Or do they prefer those crunchy, smelly crackers? Would be good to know.
“I hate your friend, ______.”
We all have that one friend our pets can’t stand. Since our pets are more important than our human friends, it would be nice to know flat out which friend we could never have over again. Maybe we’ll never speak to this friend again. It’s all up to the pet because after all, they do rule our lives.
“Hey guy, why do you think we’re all here? Like, on this planet.”
Might be a cool convo to have. We’ll save this one for 3 a.m. after a night of drinking.
Can someone please invent a human to pet translator ASAP?