As deliberations over presidential cabinet positions rage on, let’s not forget the very important appointment of a “First Dog.” Nearly every U.S. president has had a pet, and although Donald Trump currently doesn’t have one, he reportedly has a deal in the works.
As reported by the The Washington Post, philanthropist Lois Pope, a longtime friend of Trump, has a Goldendoodle puppy she is convinced Trump will take to the White House. Trump reportedly told Pope, “Barron will want him” over the Thanksgiving holiday, but the decision is not yet final, according to a Trump spokesperson.
In case the Goldendoodle doesn’t get hired, we came up with a few suggestions for the First Pet in Trump’s America. All are adoptable animals from Petfinder and would settle into the Oval Office nicely.
1. Mamba the python
After a long day of yelling nonsense at foreign leaders, Trump will probably want to curl up with a smooth, comforting critter. Well Donald, look no further than Mamba the python, who lives on a diet of frozen/thawed rodents. And in case Trump doesn’t want to call him Mamba, we think Steve Bannon Jr. would make a great name.
2. Tip Top Emperor the horse
Even though Trump will have the privilege of riding around in Cadillac One and Air Force One during his presidency, there will be times when he wants a simpler mode of transportation and Tip Top Emperor could be the perfect horse for the job. Not only does his name imply that he’s a leader, but according to his Petfinder profile, he “enjoys attention.” If that’s not something Trump can relate to, then we don’t know what is.
3. Harley the goat
Because some Americans have been equating Trump with the devil, he might get along well with a horned animal. Harley the goat’s Petfinder profile says, “One of his favorite things to do is to people-watch from his grassy pasture.” Since Trump has a history of objectifying women, we figure he and Harley could people-watch together!
4. Blue the cow
According to his Petfinder page, “Blues gentle manners often make him a favorite with visitors and staff alike.” Trump has a pretty harsh demeanor, so maybe this kind, well-mannered cow could balance him out. However, Trump would never let his pet have the name Blue the color of the Democratic party. Lil’ Sean Hannity has a nice ring to it, though.
5. Splash the pig
After a 3 a.m. Twitter rant, Trump will need someone to cuddle with when he returns to bed. Since Melania won’t be moving to the White House right away, Splash the pig might be the perfect candidate! Splash is a 700-pound pig who loves a belly rub and playing in the mud.
6. Phoenix the albino ferret
Trump has zero background in politics so he may need some help brushing up on his U.S. state capitals. Phoenix the albino ferret is sure to help him remember the capital of Arizona (Arizona is a state on the West Coast, Donald). Plus, her white fur will likely please the president-elect’s chief strategist, alt-right icon Steve Bannon.
7. Bob the lizard
“This is Bob. Bob is old and crotchety. Bob hates you,” reads this sweet lizard’s bio on Petfinder. Bob would be the perfect reptile for Trump to hang with on a Saturday night. That way, when Saturday Night Live comes on and Trump is contemplating tweeting something mean, Bob will encourage him to go through with it.
No matter which pet Trump goes with, let’s just hope that he has a well-equipped animal caregiver on his staff.