New ruling on sonar use is a big victory for whales

For nearly the last half century, the U.S. Navy has blasted loud, low-frequency sounds into the ocean in the name of national security. While they were looking for sneaky submarines, they were also causing undue stress to the mammals of the ocean.

According to Wired, the sonars loud, low-frequency waves hit a sweet spot where whales and other marine mammals communicate with one another. In extreme cases, author Nick Stockton wrote, the sonar could spook whales and dolphins into mass beaching events. But the sonar also acts like white noise, creating a lead curtain for whales messages to one another and disrupting the fabric of their social groups.

After a long fight between the U.S. Navy, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, and the National Resources Defense Council, a three-judge panel of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco has ruled that the current regulations for sonar use by the U.S. Navy does not adequately protect marine mammals. So now the Navy will have to re-configure how they use sonar during peacetime to be less disturbing to marine mammals.

H/T: Wired, NBC News

Source: http://www.dailydot.com/

Angry bear charging a car is a good reminder never to mess with bears

Even from the safety of your vehicle, a charging bear is nothing to mess with.

Cody Kunau and his friend Samantha were driving to the Yakutat Lodge in Alaska for dinner when they encountered a large grizzly bear on the side of the road. As they approached the animal, it quickly scurried across the road and into the woods.

“This is a somewhat normal occurrence for here,” Kunau wrote. “Usually, the bears run off and catching a close up glimpse is hard. We slowed our vehicle down to where we saw the bear cross the road when suddenly it erupted from the bushes and came after our vehicle.”

The bear charged the car, following as the two pulled away in a hurry.

“Holy fuck, we just got charged by a bear,” Kunau can be heard saying in the clip.

The two were unable to find anything that would agitate the bear in the area, so they continued to the lodge where they warned locals of the really angry bear down the road.

Source: http://mashable.com/

Scientists announce the discovery of strange hammerheaded reptile fossil

A newly discovered fossil of reptile hailing from the middle Triassic period reveals a very unusual hammerhead-shaped jawcompletely dismantling the way researchers thought the ancient creature lived.

First described in 2014, researchers thought the crocodile-sized Atopodentatus unicus (whose name means unique strangely toothed), had a downturned snout shaped like a flamingos beak. And boy, was it weird looking. According to that report, Atopodentatus used its strange jaw to stir up small crustaceans and other little critters from the soft mud of the sea floor. But researchers discovered a new fossil in Southern China that was better preserved and revealed an even stranger jaw that harkens to the hammerhead shark. They published a new description of the ancient reptile in the open access journal Science Advances.

This reptile is the first of its kind, Olivier Rieppel, a paleontologist at the Field Museum in Chicago, and one of the papers authors told the Daily Dot in a phone interview. The original fossil was very poorly preserved with its skull bones separated from one another.

Only when the new specimen came up, you saw this hammerhead, Rieppel said. No one would have expected the reptile to be so strangely built.

But the new specimen was in much better shapealbeit a little flat.

The reptile was very compressed during fossilization, Rieppel said. The skull was compressed dorsoventrallyit was flattenedbut everything stayed in place. The contours of the skull are immediately obvious.

Nick Fraser, National Museums Scotland

Rieppel specializes in working with flattened reptiles, reconstructing them through 3-D modeling using very advanced materialslike Playdough and toothpicks.

Olivier Rieppel, The Field Museum.

Rieppel and his modeled the clay after the bones of the flattened skull, using toothpicks as a stand-in for the creatures peg-like teeth. They think Atopodentatus used its unique jaw to scrape up algae from rocks and then pushed water back out its sieve-like teethsimilar to how blue whales filter tiny krill from huge gulps of sea water.

The jaw isnt the only thing that makes Atopodentatus unique. Now that researchers think it was exclusively into eating plants instead of munching on tiny animals, that makes it the oldest known herbivorous marine reptile. Reptiles are not often plant-eaters, Rieppel said, because of the way reptile skulls are built. Their skulls have moving parts, which make them really good at eating insects. In order to become good plant-eaters, those moving parts need to fuse together.

One of the things that makes this important scientifically not only the earliest marine herbivorous reptile with a very strange anatomy, Rieppel said, its also an indication for how fast the marine biota proliferated after the mass extinction at the end of the Permian.

The Permian extinction event occurred about 252 million years ago and was the largest extinction event in the history of life on Earth. According to National Geographic, the eventfor which scientists have no favored explanationwiped out around 90 percent of the animals and plants on Earth. It hit marine animals particularly hard: Less than 5 percent survived the event. Yet paleontologists are continuously uncovering evidence of a quick recoveryAtopodentatus lived about 242 million years ago.

Rieppel said he couldnt comment on what this evidence may suggest about current and future extinction events. But he said the current diversity crisis in Earths living species has inspired a greater scientific interest in studying mass extinction events of the past, so we can model them and understand the conditions that allowed for animals to bounce backor not.

Source: http://www.dailydot.com/

Watch a hungry bear try to steal dog food from a garage

A hungry bear with an appetite for dog food tried to steal a meal from a California bed and breakfast.

Diana Chase, owner of the Pine Mountain Inn, opened her garage to find a bear knee-deep in a huge bag of dog kibble.

“What are you doing?” Chase can be heard asking the bear.

Moments later, the bear retreats with the dog food and tries to make a getaway. Chase follows, ordering the bear to drop the food. Eventually, the bear does exit the garage without the food, and Chase is able to close the garage door, but not before the two come within just a few feet of each other.

While Chase did the right thing trying to scare away the bear, she should not have used soft tones when talking to the bear, and she did put herself in danger multiple times. Yes, bears are cute, but they can also eat your face.

Source: http://mashable.com/

If Youve Never Seen How Fast Bears Can Climb Trees You Need to See This

In this incredible footage we see a black bear sow (the species comes in a variety of colours) fiercely protecting her cub as she chases a jet black boar up a tall pine tree.

The action begins when the sow gets a scent of the nearby boar and immediately sprints down a steep hill to chase the threat away. The speed at which both bears scale the tree is astonishing.

Source: http://twistedsifter.com/

Murmurations: The Mesmerizing Beauty of Birds in Flight

“The art of flying” is a short film by Jan van IJken about ‘murmurations’, the mysterious and mesmerizing flights of the Common Starling.

In this 2 minute preview we see the constantly evolving patterns the dense swarm of thousands and thousands of birds make while in flight. The sound of so many birds is also overwhelming to the senses.

For those interested, you can pay a small fee to see the full-length, 7 minute film at janvanijken.com

Source: http://twistedsifter.com/

Huge bear surprises mountain bikers on a trail

A few mountain bikers had an unwelcome guest briefly joint their downhill run at the Malin Brdo in Slovakia recently.

YouTuber Dusan Vink was following his friend down the mountain when a huge brown bear jumps in front of Vink and starts to charge his buddy. Vink screams to alert his friend of the bear that’s following him and the bear cuts off trail.

The biker in front stops, which was probably a good idea considering the trail ahead had a switchback, which would have put the bikers right in the path of the bear after it cut off trail.

It’s unclear what made the bear end its chase, but it was likely a combination of multiple bikers and Vink’s yelling that scared the bear back into the woods.

Source: http://mashable.com/

21 Reasons Life Would Be Super Chill If You Could Just Be A Cat

1. You live by your own rules. And better believe EVERYONE in the household knows it.

2. You’re a respected rebel with little to zero consequences for your actions.

3. Feeling annoyed? Just knock everything off the nearest table with a flick of your paw. Someone else will clean it up.

4. Still feeling annoyed? Swat the first person who walks by.

5. You can lick your genitals and no one will bat an eye.

6. You can literally hide from people whenever you want.

7. When company comes over that you’re not fond of, you can just chill under the couch until they leave.

8. You’re almost to be antisocial.

9. People feel very special when you decide to grace them with your affection.

10. You don’t have to cook for yourself.

11. No seriously, someone just feeds you. You get to lazily sit by your dish and wait for those inferior humans to do your bidding.

12. If someone touches you in a way you don’t like, you can hiss or scratch the hell out of them.

13. And they definitely won’t touch you like that again.

14. Napping all day long is in your job description.

15. You can go full nocturnal and no one will accuse you of being the Unabomber.

16. That sandpaper tongue of yours can be used as a weapon, if necessary.

17. The Internet is obsessed with you.

18. You can do something stupid, clever, or just look kind of weird and instantly become an overnight celebrity.

19. Nobody shames you for your naturally growing hair.

20. You can leap super high distances, like you’re a low-key superhero.

21. You get pets and massages just because you exist. Good for you.

Source: http://thoughtcatalog.com/

Scientists announce the discovery of strange hammerheaded reptile fossil

A newly discovered fossil of reptile hailing from the middle Triassic period reveals a very unusual hammerhead-shaped jawcompletely dismantling the way researchers thought the ancient creature lived.

First described in 2014, researchers thought the crocodile-sized Atopodentatus unicus (whose name means unique strangely toothed), had a downturned snout shaped like a flamingos beak. And boy, was it weird looking. According to that report, Atopodentatus used its strange jaw to stir up small crustaceans and other little critters from the soft mud of the sea floor. But researchers discovered a new fossil in Southern China that was better preserved and revealed an even stranger jaw that harkens to the hammerhead shark. They published a new description of the ancient reptile in the open access journal Science Advances.

This reptile is the first of its kind, Olivier Rieppel, a paleontologist at the Field Museum in Chicago, and one of the papers authors told the Daily Dot in a phone interview. The original fossil was very poorly preserved with its skull bones separated from one another.

Only when the new specimen came up, you saw this hammerhead, Rieppel said. No one would have expected the reptile to be so strangely built.

But the new specimen was in much better shapealbeit a little flat.

The reptile was very compressed during fossilization, Rieppel said. The skull was compressed dorsoventrallyit was flattenedbut everything stayed in place. The contours of the skull are immediately obvious.

Nick Fraser, National Museums Scotland

Rieppel specializes in working with flattened reptiles, reconstructing them through 3-D modeling using very advanced materialslike Playdough and toothpicks.

Olivier Rieppel, The Field Museum.

Rieppel and his modeled the clay after the bones of the flattened skull, using toothpicks as a stand-in for the creatures peg-like teeth. They think Atopodentatus used its unique jaw to scrape up algae from rocks and then pushed water back out its sieve-like teethsimilar to how blue whales filter tiny krill from huge gulps of sea water.

The jaw isnt the only thing that makes Atopodentatus unique. Now that researchers think it was exclusively into eating plants instead of munching on tiny animals, that makes it the oldest known herbivorous marine reptile. Reptiles are not often plant-eaters, Rieppel said, because of the way reptile skulls are built. Their skulls have moving parts, which make them really good at eating insects. In order to become good plant-eaters, those moving parts need to fuse together.

One of the things that makes this important scientifically not only the earliest marine herbivorous reptile with a very strange anatomy, Rieppel said, its also an indication for how fast the marine biota proliferated after the mass extinction at the end of the Permian.

The Permian extinction event occurred about 252 million years ago and was the largest extinction event in the history of life on Earth. According to National Geographic, the eventfor which scientists have no favored explanationwiped out around 90 percent of the animals and plants on Earth. It hit marine animals particularly hard: Less than 5 percent survived the event. Yet paleontologists are continuously uncovering evidence of a quick recoveryAtopodentatus lived about 242 million years ago.

Rieppel said he couldnt comment on what this evidence may suggest about current and future extinction events. But he said the current diversity crisis in Earths living species has inspired a greater scientific interest in studying mass extinction events of the past, so we can model them and understand the conditions that allowed for animals to bounce backor not.

Source: http://www.dailydot.com/

So Cool! Ellen DeGeneres Just Invited The Bear That Had Sex In That YouTube Video On Her Show

Okay, so Ellen has completely rocked it again. The daytime talk-show host is always landing the stars of the hottest internet videos, and this time shes really outdone herself: She invited the bear from the viral YouTube video of the bears having sex to be on her show.

So. Much. Yes!

Anyone whos been online in the past 72 hours has seen the video of the bears having sex everywhere, and Ellen moved lightning-quick to get the bear from the video on her show. And she did not disappoint.

Ellen kicked off the segment by playing a clip from the extraordinarily popular video of the bears having sex, then welcomed the 9-year-old American brown bear that had sex onto the set to raucous applause. The audience members began dancing and cheering as Ellen flung trout from a small tank near her chair into the jaws of the 1,300-pound bear.

After a few dozen fish, the bear that had sex did what everyone in the audienceand onlinewas waiting for: It started having sex, just like in the video.

Shut the internet down, because thats not being topped!

Fans of the bear that had sex in the video immediately took to Twitter to voice their love of the show:

If that wasnt enough, the bear that had sex gave audiences an additional delight when it lumbered into the fifth row and took a nap. The only video that might be more popular than the original video of the bears having sex is this clip from Ellens show!

Keep it up, Ellen!

Source: http://www.clickhole.com/features/news/

5 Animals That Evolution Awarded With Wings Even Though Dogs Deserved It More

None of these animals deserve wings more than dogs, but somehow evolution didn’t see that.

1. Falcons

Honestly, what was evolution thinking when it gave these things the ability to fly over dogs? Yes, falcons are amazing, but let’s be honest: There’s not a single animal that deserves to sail through the sky more than canines. Dogs are fiercely loyal and strong and have an incredible sense of smell. Apparently, though, evolution didn’t care about any of those things when it awarded wings to peregrine falcons without so much as batting an eyelash at man’s best friend.

2. Robins

Let’s be clear: If dogs had wings, they would use them for fun stuff, like soaring into the sky to catch a Frisbee in midair or swooping down from the clouds to chase a mailman down the street. Robins, though? They don’t even seem like they enjoy flying. It’s not that these birds don’t deserve wings, too, but dogs would appreciate them more. Honestly, evolution could have definitely found a more deserving creature for flight than robins, who just hop around on the ground all day looking for worms to eat.

3. Penguins

Here are some dogs that deserve wings more than penguins: golden retrievers, labradors, bulldogs, poodles, and chihuahuas. Why? Well, for starters, penguins can’t even FLY. They just sit there and use their wings completely wrong… to swim. They are the dumbest animal in the whole world. Really, the only logical explanation for why these birds got wings over dogs is that evolution thought dogs would be too incredible if they ever learned to fly. Maybe seeing a dog herd sheep in midair would have just been too cool for nature? Who knows.

4. Bugs

Really, evolution? Bugs? Instead of giving wings to cute, lovable puppies, you decided to go with bugs? Come on, evolution, dogs help people every day, while bugs just sit there and sting things. What the hell is that about?

5. Owls

Evolution, if you have any common sense, you’ll get to work giving wings to dogs right away. Owls are the best bird out there and totally deserve to fly, so why not take a page out of that book and do the same for dogs? You know they’ve earned a big pair of wings they can use to flap and soar through the sky just as much as anything. So do it already! Don’t make them wait here stuck on the ground any longer.

Source: http://www.clickhole.com/features/news/

21 Reasons Life Would Be Super Chill If You Could Just Be A Cat

1. You live by your own rules. And better believe EVERYONE in the household knows it.

2. You’re a respected rebel with little to zero consequences for your actions.

3. Feeling annoyed? Just knock everything off the nearest table with a flick of your paw. Someone else will clean it up.

4. Still feeling annoyed? Swat the first person who walks by.

5. You can lick your genitals and no one will bat an eye.

6. You can literally hide from people whenever you want.

7. When company comes over that you’re not fond of, you can just chill under the couch until they leave.

8. You’re almost to be antisocial.

9. People feel very special when you decide to grace them with your affection.

10. You don’t have to cook for yourself.

11. No seriously, someone just feeds you. You get to lazily sit by your dish and wait for those inferior humans to do your bidding.

12. If someone touches you in a way you don’t like, you can hiss or scratch the hell out of them.

13. And they definitely won’t touch you like that again.

14. Napping all day long is in your job description.

15. You can go full nocturnal and no one will accuse you of being the Unabomber.

16. That sandpaper tongue of yours can be used as a weapon, if necessary.

17. The Internet is obsessed with you.

18. You can do something stupid, clever, or just look kind of weird and instantly become an overnight celebrity.

19. Nobody shames you for your naturally growing hair.

20. You can leap super high distances, like you’re a low-key superhero.

21. You get pets and massages just because you exist. Good for you.

Source: http://thoughtcatalog.com/

New ruling on sonar use is a big victory for whales

For nearly the last half century, the U.S. Navy has blasted loud, low-frequency sounds into the ocean in the name of national security. While they were looking for sneaky submarines, they were also causing undue stress to the mammals of the ocean.

According to Wired, the sonars loud, low-frequency waves hit a sweet spot where whales and other marine mammals communicate with one another. In extreme cases, author Nick Stockton wrote, the sonar could spook whales and dolphins into mass beaching events. But the sonar also acts like white noise, creating a lead curtain for whales messages to one another and disrupting the fabric of their social groups.

After a long fight between the U.S. Navy, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, and the National Resources Defense Council, a three-judge panel of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco has ruled that the current regulations for sonar use by the U.S. Navy does not adequately protect marine mammals. So now the Navy will have to re-configure how they use sonar during peacetime to be less disturbing to marine mammals.

H/T: Wired, NBC News

Source: http://www.dailydot.com/

17 candid photos that capture animals and their mysterious emotions.

What do forest creatures do when they think no one is looking?

All photos by Konsta Punkka/Instagram.

Konsta Punkka, a 22-year-old photographer from Helsinki, Finland, has been trying to find out for the last five years.

“I love to explore and show the secret life of animals,” Punkka told Upworthy in an email.

Punkka, who documents his travels on his Instagram feed, explained that he uses his camera to capture the “emotions and feelings” of his often misunderstood subjects.

His many years of exploring the wilderness, tolerance for cold weather, and learned patience allow him to capture the creatures in their most candid moments, resulting in wildly expressive photos.

“A lot of people have no idea what the animals are and what they do,” Punkka said. “So a big part of my work is to spread the word as well.”

Here are 17 of his most striking shots:

1. A squirrel, making a decision.

2. A deer, decompressing.

3. A fox, holding steady.

4. A seal, finding its bliss.

5. Two foxes, exploring a railroad track.

7. A bird, sensing an opportunity.

8. A bear, relaxing in the grass.

9. A squirrel, keeping an eye out.

10. A llama, taking it all in.

11. A ferret, keeping watch.

12. A seal, basking gloriously in the sun.

13. A bewildered sheep, investigating the camera.

14. A deer, poking its head out.

15. Baby owls, getting cozy.

16. Reindeer, patiently waiting to cross.

17. Photographer and subject, bonding.

Source: http://www.upworthy.com/

The 7 Animals With The Most Badass Natural Defenses

You dont want to mess with any of these creatures.

1. Skunks

They look cute and cuddly, but dont be fooled. When a skunk feels threatened, it can deploy a type of weapon known as a tail. By rapidly whipping the elongated, furry structure on the end of its body, a skunk can bludgeon its foes with its tail and escape to safety.

2. Elephants

Adult elephants have no natural enemies, and theres a good reason why: At the back of this massive pachyderms body is a deadly weapon called a tail. By quickly flicking this laser-like flesh whip, an elephant can devastate any animal that threatens it or its young.

3. Alligators

Dont swim in any river where this apex predator lurks. At the back of an alligators body is a powerful weapon called a tail, a scaly pillar that this large reptile can shove down its victims throat to suffocate it in minutes.

4. Ants

When an enemy such as a wasp or beetle threatens their colony, ants take remarkable steps to protect the queen. Thousands of ants will lock their limbs and mandibles together to assemble themselves into the shape of a fox and use the long, dangerous appendage on the end of the foxs body, known as a tail, to squash the invading insect.

5. Chimpanzees

Our closest cousins in nature, chimps are one of the few animals intelligent enough to use tools. Scientists have observed chimps weaving together sticks into a deadly weapon called a tail and tying them around their waists with leaves and mud. By quickly twisting their hips and waving their butts, they can swing this wooden tool like a baseball bat to knock prey unconscious.

6. Anacondas

Some of the deadliest creatures in the world are snakes, since their entire body is a lethal weapon biologists call a tail. The largest snake of all is the anaconda, which is more than capable of stretching across the floor of a doorway so people trip on it when they try to walk through.

7. Mice

Theyre small but not defenseless. At the back of each mouses body is a piece of organic piano wire known as a tail that it can use to garrote anything that threatens it. If you find a mouse in your house, sorry, buddy, its time to move.

Source: http://www.clickhole.com/features/news/

Huge bear surprises mountain bikers on a trail

A few mountain bikers had an unwelcome guest briefly joint their downhill run at the Malin Brdo in Slovakia recently.

YouTuber Dusan Vink was following his friend down the mountain when a huge brown bear jumps in front of Vink and starts to charge his buddy. Vink screams to alert his friend of the bear that’s following him and the bear cuts off trail.

The biker in front stops, which was probably a good idea considering the trail ahead had a switchback, which would have put the bikers right in the path of the bear after it cut off trail.

It’s unclear what made the bear end its chase, but it was likely a combination of multiple bikers and Vink’s yelling that scared the bear back into the woods.

Source: http://mashable.com/

Scientists announce the discovery of strange hammerheaded reptile fossil

A newly discovered fossil of reptile hailing from the middle Triassic period reveals a very unusual hammerhead-shaped jawcompletely dismantling the way researchers thought the ancient creature lived.

First described in 2014, researchers thought the crocodile-sized Atopodentatus unicus (whose name means unique strangely toothed), had a downturned snout shaped like a flamingos beak. And boy, was it weird looking. According to that report, Atopodentatus used its strange jaw to stir up small crustaceans and other little critters from the soft mud of the sea floor. But researchers discovered a new fossil in Southern China that was better preserved and revealed an even stranger jaw that harkens to the hammerhead shark. They published a new description of the ancient reptile in the open access journal Science Advances.

This reptile is the first of its kind, Olivier Rieppel, a paleontologist at the Field Museum in Chicago, and one of the papers authors told the Daily Dot in a phone interview. The original fossil was very poorly preserved with its skull bones separated from one another.

Only when the new specimen came up, you saw this hammerhead, Rieppel said. No one would have expected the reptile to be so strangely built.

But the new specimen was in much better shapealbeit a little flat.

The reptile was very compressed during fossilization, Rieppel said. The skull was compressed dorsoventrallyit was flattenedbut everything stayed in place. The contours of the skull are immediately obvious.

Nick Fraser, National Museums Scotland

Rieppel specializes in working with flattened reptiles, reconstructing them through 3-D modeling using very advanced materialslike Playdough and toothpicks.

Olivier Rieppel, The Field Museum.

Rieppel and his modeled the clay after the bones of the flattened skull, using toothpicks as a stand-in for the creatures peg-like teeth. They think Atopodentatus used its unique jaw to scrape up algae from rocks and then pushed water back out its sieve-like teethsimilar to how blue whales filter tiny krill from huge gulps of sea water.

The jaw isnt the only thing that makes Atopodentatus unique. Now that researchers think it was exclusively into eating plants instead of munching on tiny animals, that makes it the oldest known herbivorous marine reptile. Reptiles are not often plant-eaters, Rieppel said, because of the way reptile skulls are built. Their skulls have moving parts, which make them really good at eating insects. In order to become good plant-eaters, those moving parts need to fuse together.

One of the things that makes this important scientifically not only the earliest marine herbivorous reptile with a very strange anatomy, Rieppel said, its also an indication for how fast the marine biota proliferated after the mass extinction at the end of the Permian.

The Permian extinction event occurred about 252 million years ago and was the largest extinction event in the history of life on Earth. According to National Geographic, the eventfor which scientists have no favored explanationwiped out around 90 percent of the animals and plants on Earth. It hit marine animals particularly hard: Less than 5 percent survived the event. Yet paleontologists are continuously uncovering evidence of a quick recoveryAtopodentatus lived about 242 million years ago.

Rieppel said he couldnt comment on what this evidence may suggest about current and future extinction events. But he said the current diversity crisis in Earths living species has inspired a greater scientific interest in studying mass extinction events of the past, so we can model them and understand the conditions that allowed for animals to bounce backor not.

Source: http://www.dailydot.com/

Youre A Bird! Do You Have What It Takes To Survive In The Wild?

Hello! If youre here, its because you hate being human and instead yearn to be Gods finest creation: a bird. Is that true?

Great, thats wonderful news! A bird is a big bushel of feathers with a sharp bone-mouth stuck right below two jet-black, beady eyeballs. What kind of bird do you want to be?

Hey, dickheadif you want to be a dog, thats fine, but dont you fucking do it here. You knew this was about birds, so if youre not into flapping or sitting on some round-as-shit eggs, then fuck you, okay?

Jesus Christ, why in Gods name would you choose this hairy garbage bag filled with feathers and viscera? If Darwin had seen this thing, he would have renounced evolution and instantly thrown himself off his own boat. What do you even want to do as this monster?

Good choice. The world was unbearable until the exact moment you died. Please, if you ever choose to be that bird again, do the world a favor and end your life again.

Great choice! Youve decided to be a house sparrow, and you are currently living in your North American natural habitat, the 700,000-volt power line. How are you feeling right now?

Yes. Unfortunately, not even a house sparrow can withstand touching a 700,000-volt power line. Every rat, squirrel, and bird that perches on those things is on a veritable suicide mission, and you were no different. RIP.

Thats right! Youre hungry, a feeling that happens when birds want to put several worms into their stomachs and shit them out at a later date. Where would you like to look for worms today?

Great! You have chosen to look within yourself for worms. So, if you, as a sparrow, would like to find a worm, first you must ask yourself: Are you yourself the worm?

Well, that was a nice thought, but unfortunately, nature does not have time for philosophical quandaries. While we may all wish to be the worm, in nature, only the worm may be the worm. RIP, bird.

Well, if you are not yourself the worm, then you must ask yourself: Are the worms themselves within you? Are you, body and soul, filled with thousands upon thousands of worms?

You did it! After looking deep within yourself, you found worms, but unfortunately, they were the kind that live inside you and eat you from the inside out. Good find! You got sick and then you died. Such is nature!

Think for a moment: If you are not a worm, and there are no worms within you, then do worms even exist? You search the deep recesses of your mind for answers until you ultimately starve to death. Perhaps next time, look to the physical world for answers!

Ah, the sky! An excellent place to look for worms and grubs. How will you find your lunch today?

Wow, not a second after you started wiggling and squawking in the sky, your prey has already become attracted to you. First things first, though: Is this a worm?

Oh, hell yes, what a beautiful worm! It looks absolutely juicy and delicious for your many bird tastebuds. What would you like to do with this high-flying treat?

Oh, no! You had the most delicious meal of your life, but birds such as yourself have a limit to how much pleasure they can experience, and you exploded. Feathers and viscera and metal rods flew everywhere, making even more food for other birds. Better luck next time!

Oh, no! You had sex with your food! You had the most mind-blowing two hours of sex of your life, but then your meal flew away, and you starved to death in the air before you could commit suicide from your shame. Also, God sent you to hell forever for fornicating with a worm, and now you have to hang out with this guy, the devil. Yikes.

Okay, if its not a worm, not much use eating it! But look what else you found! How about this juicy-looking thingis this thing a worm?

Nice! Look at that worm go! Anything that digs through sky dirt that fast must taste amazing. What would you like to do with it?

Oh, hello! Just as youre about to show that delicious, juicy morsel whos the boss of the skies, you see this thing. Huh, what is this part of the worm?

Whoa, even better! What would you like to do with this smaller and probably more tender thing?

Aw, bummer! You tried to eat the worm, but instead the worm ate you. Luckily, you contributed to the food chain in some constructive way, because the worm got so full that it fell out of the sky. Thats nature vs. nurture for you!

You did it! You fucked this worm so hard that it got pregnant and fell out of the sky into the part of the ground that isnt soil. Then it gave birth to your children, which are already floating. Congratulations!

Guess thats also not a worm! Lets try again. How about this sexy, spindly thingis this a worm?

Nice! This is one sultry and delicious-looking morsel that is purple, the shade that birds know to be the color of royalty! What would you like to do with it?

Whoa! You cant eat that terrible worm! You swallowed it in one gulp, and it was the most delicious thing youve ever tasted, but then you died immediately. As the light faded from your eyes one last time, you heard a bellowing voice say, Thou shalt not eat thine own kind and then you were eviscerated immediately. Still worth it, though.

Oh God oh God oh GOD, look what your terrible fucking has created. Firstly, why did you go and pleasure that worm, and secondly, why did God allow this monstrosity to be born? When you first hatched a single giant egg, you thought, Hey, this could have been from one of my many sexual escapades, but when it hatched, you knew it could have only been from one place: that goddamn horrible worm. Now you must raise your devil children. Godspeed.

Okay. Fine, still no worms. So, how about this? This has to be a worm, right?

Hell yeah! This is the kind of meal you get for holding out for so long, and what a gorgeous, glowing worm in the sky it is. What would you like to do with your most perfect prey?

Delicious! You fly up through the stratosphere and into deep space, and then have the most delicious meal of your life on the surface of the giant molten worm. However, you suddenly find that theres no air for your avian lungs to breathe, and you suffocate to death during your meal. Still worth it, though!

Ah, hubris, the downfall of bird. Unfortunately, you have become a modern Icarus, the boy who died trying to fuck the sun. Why? Because you tried to fuck the sun. So let this be a lesson to you, one that you will not soon forget: Dont do that again. Okay?

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Well, you starved to death. You looked in the sky, and though you found a good many worms, you were too prideful to eat any of them. So, of course, you got too hungry, immediately disintegrated into a skeleton, and fell from the sky. Maybe next time remember that you are a bird with a digestive system, not God.

Ah, the ground! Exactly where God intended all animals to be, including worms and those with wings. So, how will you find your lunch today?

Wow, great choice! Not a second after you started moving around in that sickly bird way, this beautiful thing shows up. First things first, though: Is this a worm?

Oh, hell yes, what a delicious, soggy worm! It looks absolutely mouth-watering to your weird bony mouth. What would you like to do with this hot, wet treat?

Hello, thats the stuff! Your body has never felt like this beforefilled with pleasure, and also covered in different oils than usual. What would you like to do to show how amazing you feel?

Hello, thats the stuff! What a beautiful and soft nest, perfect for sitting on or living in for the rest of your life! What would you like to do first to your new home on the ground?

Oh, well, not much use in eating it if its not a worm. But look at this long, sultry thing! Is this a worm? This things got to be a worm.

Thats the stuffwhat a delicious, burnt worm! Thats just about the tastiest thing your dead bird eyes have ever seen. What would you like to do with this nice, dry meal?

Oh, hell yes! Your feathers ruffle, your body changesthis worm is everything you could have ever dreamed. What would you like to do to show how amazing you feel?

Oh, hell yeah, what a sturdy nest, perfect for perching or sitting in forever as a bird! What would you like to do first to your new home on the ground?

No? Well, youre so hungry, and the only thing around is this terrible object. Whats your last resort?

Uh-oh! Looks like you were too happy. Out of nowhere, the tiny holes in your head detect a loud, angry noise, and you open your eyes to see this thing. But wait a minute…is this a worm?

What luck, to find a worm like this after everything you, as a bird, have been through! What would you like to do with this worm?

Wow, you took a nice big bite of that worm! Unfortunately, this worm was the sensitive kind, because it got mad at you and tried to eat you back. Now youre both dead! Classic nature.

Nice! You fucked the worm so hard it exploded. Unfortunately, though, in the process of fucking, you also exploded. Whether it was from pleasure or it was God telling you not to have sex with that, you are dead. Lesson learned!

Not a worm? Weird. What should you do then?

Well, you just fucking stood there and looked at it. So it killed you! But you also drove it to suicide. So, win-win? Great!

Amazing choice! Forget that thingits time to fly! First things first: Is this the sky?

Flying is going great so far! How about this? Is this the sky?

You are the best flier in the world! Now this: Is this the sky?

Yes, yes, yes! This must be the sky, right? Flying is fun and easy! Is this the sky?

Killer whales charge two swimmers, but they probably just wanted to say hello

Swimming is fun and all, until a pod of killer whales decide they’d like to play along.

Photographer Robin Lveill captured an incredible moment at Whytecliff Park in West Vancouver, Canada earlier this week. In the clip, a pod of orcas can be seen charging a bluff with some seriously impressive speed.

A whale of a good time here at Whytecliff Park today.

A post shared by Robin Lveill (@robin_leveille) on

There just so happened to be two people swimming in the waters near the base of the bluff. Noticing a pod of massive orcas charging towards them, the swimmers wisely exited the water for the safety of land.

While the name killer whale may sound pretty scary, it can be misleading. Firstly, killer whales are not whales at all, but are actually a type of dolphin. And though they have been dubbed killers for their hunting abilities, they rarely attack humans.

While the charging whales seem pretty scary, it’s unlikely the pod was attempting to attack these two swimmers. Orcas are intensely curious animals, so it’s probably they were just heading over to say “hi,” just in a really aggressive manner.

Whale researcher Alisa Schulman-Janiger, who works at the California Killer Whale Project, confirmed to BuzzFeed that the orcas were probably not in hunting mode.

I think it was pure curiosity, she told BuzzFeed News. I just think they were super curious and taking a close look and then on their way.

Regardless, Schulman-Janiger insisted that humans should never approach orcas and should be respectful of their natural environment.

Source: http://mashable.com/

5 Animals That Evolution Awarded With Wings Even Though Dogs Deserved It More

None of these animals deserve wings more than dogs, but somehow evolution didn’t see that.

1. Falcons

Honestly, what was evolution thinking when it gave these things the ability to fly over dogs? Yes, falcons are amazing, but let’s be honest: There’s not a single animal that deserves to sail through the sky more than canines. Dogs are fiercely loyal and strong and have an incredible sense of smell. Apparently, though, evolution didn’t care about any of those things when it awarded wings to peregrine falcons without so much as batting an eyelash at man’s best friend.

2. Robins

Let’s be clear: If dogs had wings, they would use them for fun stuff, like soaring into the sky to catch a Frisbee in midair or swooping down from the clouds to chase a mailman down the street. Robins, though? They don’t even seem like they enjoy flying. It’s not that these birds don’t deserve wings, too, but dogs would appreciate them more. Honestly, evolution could have definitely found a more deserving creature for flight than robins, who just hop around on the ground all day looking for worms to eat.

3. Penguins

Here are some dogs that deserve wings more than penguins: golden retrievers, labradors, bulldogs, poodles, and chihuahuas. Why? Well, for starters, penguins can’t even FLY. They just sit there and use their wings completely wrong… to swim. They are the dumbest animal in the whole world. Really, the only logical explanation for why these birds got wings over dogs is that evolution thought dogs would be too incredible if they ever learned to fly. Maybe seeing a dog herd sheep in midair would have just been too cool for nature? Who knows.

4. Bugs

Really, evolution? Bugs? Instead of giving wings to cute, lovable puppies, you decided to go with bugs? Come on, evolution, dogs help people every day, while bugs just sit there and sting things. What the hell is that about?

5. Owls

Evolution, if you have any common sense, you’ll get to work giving wings to dogs right away. Owls are the best bird out there and totally deserve to fly, so why not take a page out of that book and do the same for dogs? You know they’ve earned a big pair of wings they can use to flap and soar through the sky just as much as anything. So do it already! Don’t make them wait here stuck on the ground any longer.

Source: http://www.clickhole.com/features/news/