May 23 is World Turtle Day.
On this of all days, we celebrate turtles — and we especially celebrate turtles making more turtles, so we can, in turn, celebrate those new turtles.
Following that logic, we should celebrate turtle sex. Specifically, we should celebrate by ranking YouTube videos of turtles having sex. There are a surprisingly large number of them.
Now, let’s be clear, the purpose of this ranking is not to shame any of these turtles for having lesser sex. All turtle sex is good sex because, as outlined above, it is making more turtles.
7. The basic
Nothing wrong with being basic. Here you have two turtles simply enjoying each other’s company.
6. The cuck
Turtle sex isn’t always so emotionally uncomplicated. Take this unfolding drama in which a jealous rival interrupts a sensual moment in a romantic zoo setting.
5. The scream of lust
This mighty goliath knows how to show his lady he’s having a blast: by screaming in her ear and flailing his limbs around wildly.
4. The orgy
Why not share the fun? Turtles don’t seem to have hang-ups.
3. The sneaker
Further proving that turtles don’t have hang-ups, here’s a feisty boy who has no shame in using accessories for his pleasure.
2. The croc
Here’s a turtle having sex with another shoe, but it’s a Croc, which makes the whole scene infinitely more interesting. Go get ’em, little buddy.
1. The honesty
And here is the best video of turtle sex on the internet, featuring this beautifully honest soul who will gladly share his inner-most thoughts on breeding. He knows how important this act is.