Reviews Of Sugar-Free Gummy Bears Are The Funniest Thing Youll Read This Week

Anyone who has spent any time on the internet will know not to eat sugar-free gummy bears.

They’re kind of renowned for being pretty good at giving you the sh*ts. Here are some of the most entertaining Amazon reviews of the hellish little treats:

1. “Good thing today was my day off

What was once white but is now brown all over? No, no one has gotten a reverse Michael Jackson operation except my poor, unsuspecting toilet. It has only been two hours since I consumed 23 of these delectable gummies and I have already pulled a hat-trick in the bathroom. It has gotten to the point where my next Amazon purchase will have to be an industrial sized container of vaseline, because my scratchy 2-ply is quite literally sandpapering me away. If there is anything left of my intestines, I am sure to reach them soon at the rate of my wiping.

2. “Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!

Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.

3. “You dont understand.

I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.

When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.

Eat two at a time. Three if youre brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.

4.”Just dont. Unless its a gift for someone you hate.

What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM

5.”Yup – Believe the hype!

I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesnt want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others. If you think its a fart.its NOT. hahhaaaaaa

6. “Its. All. True.

OMG. Everything previously written is true. Its all true. Dont eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines.

7. “Excellent taste, in small portions.

During one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do its job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. Ive never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle.

And production company ‘Stray Mongrel’ havecreated a hilarious re-enactment of some of the reviews – check it out:

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Animals Discuss David Attenborough In Hilarious Birthday Tribute

David Attenborough turns 90 today, and – to celebrate – the folks over at Aardman Animations have put together some hilarious tributes, from the animals that Attenborough has met over his career..

Yes, the people behind Wallace and Gromitand Creature Comforts have (in conjunction with the BBC) created cartoons of penguins and lyrebirds discussing the living legend that is Attenborough.

Check them out here:

The BBC are airing a special tribute programme –Attenborough at 90 – for David, tonight at 7.

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26 Ridiculously Cute Before And After Photos Of Dogs Growing Up

Man’s best friend. We all know and love a dog somewhere down the line and, if you don’t have one, you’re constantly jealous of your friends that do.

And the great thing about dogs is that they’re lovely at every age. The whole time you have them, they love you and you love them.

Here’s to dogs and their loving ways. Keep on trucking, you fantastic mutts!

1. It still doesn’t look like it’s used to standing on backs…

2. The dog grew into a legendary pokemon!

3. Always there to take up bed space

4.It’s got a look on it’s face like when you tell a kid he’s too old to play with lego…

5. It learned how to smile!

6. That’s one photogenic dog

7. Still looks grumpy

8. Awww

9. It looks like it hates that now

10. Nice bow tie

11. No it’s sad that it can’t fit any more!

12. At least it’s not tired any more…

13. Arty

14. How’d it get in there?

15. Love the grin

16.This one’s far too emotional

17. Impressive

18. Army rescue pup

19. That guy looks progressively more happy to have his dog

20. It’s grown to know when it’s being watched

21. What type of dog is that?!

22. I bet that the dog ruined that chair

23. Happier with age

24. Humans grow too?!

25. That dog hasn’t even aged

26. Can huskies control their tongues?

Is it us or did they get a little melancholy? Dogs are great. Really really great.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments!

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Hilarious Comic Strip Tells Us What Animals Are Really Saying

What do animals get up to when they’re not busy being patronised by us? It’s weird to think that they have their whole lives that have nothing to do with humans…

Like when two dogs are barking, what are they going on about? The weather? Some cat? Or do they just like making noise? It’s hard to tell, really.

Luckily, They Can Talk (a comic strip) is around to give us an insight into what they’re talking about… we’re not sure how the artist got the information but, you know… we trust him.

Finally. It’s about time we knew what whales were shouting when they jumped out of the water and all this time the sharks where just trying to help!

Did that horse one upset anyone else?

What did you think? Let us know in the comments!

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Meet The Guys Who Just Want To Live Their Lives As Puppies

It takes all sorts to fill a world. I once met a man that put his milk in first when making a cup of tea. That was pretty wild but, oddly, it seems impossibly tame when you compare it topuppy play.

What’s puppy play? Puppy play is when men dress themselves up in weird, full-bodied latex puppy outfits to fulfil some sort of fetish (although it’s not always sexual) and have people literally treat them like dogs – walk, treats, etc…

It’s been around for a while, I even met a few a while back…

It’s weird. They seriously don’t drop the act.

But why are people only interested in it now? Well, Channel 4 have made a documentary on it (as they often do with this kind of thing) and they’re offering a whole new and deeper insight into it…

Puppies can even find their respective handlers on message boards and forums today which is… nice? And whilst you might think these guys just put on their latex suits and go shagging in them, you’re only half right. Whilst some “puppies” do that, some are just lookingto find their identity.

The Guardian spoke to one pup who had a pretty deep tale (tail) to tell…

Toms discovery of puppy play came about gradually. He knew he liked sleeping in a collar, had a fetish for skin-tight clothing Lycra, rubber, even off-the-peg cycling shorts then came a dalmatian zentai suit he found on eBay, a 1 orange lead from Pets at Home until, eventually, a man in a club walked up to him and said: Oh right, so youre a pup. The realisation was not without its repercussions: it led to a breakup with his former fiancee Rachel and a move into a gay relationship with his new handler. Colin.

I wouldnt say it was the catalyst, but it was the straw that broke the camels back, says Tom. Then I had this moment of panic because a puppy without a collar is a stray; they dont have anyone to look after them. I started chatting to Colin online and he offered to look after me. Its a sad thing to say, but theres not love from the heart in me for Colin but what I have got is someone who is there for me and Im happy with that.

As they would have it, the main attraction to being a puppy is the emotional freedom. You’re able to connect with (willing) people on a far simpler level and, if you do have a (willing) handler, you really don’t have many cares to worry about.

Obviously, for some, there is a huge sexual element. Puppy Play is a sub-genre of BDSM, after all.

The thing is, if you want to dress up as a puppy, fill your boots. Nothing’s stopping you, be a little friendly dog if that’s what takes your fancy but… why latex? Why not some lovely, soft, furry number? In my whole life I’ve only ever seen one latex dog and I’m pretty sure that was inanimate…

Holly and Phil met one on This Morning, have a look!

Anyway, what do you think? Let us know in the comments!

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Simon Cowell Furious After Trembling Puppies Used On Britains Got More Talent

If there’s one thing everyone knows about Simon Cowell, other than his penchant for weirdly high-waisted trousers, it’s that he loves dogs.

And during a recent episode of Britain’s Got Talent’s companion show, Cowell was faced with terrified little puppies and he wasn’t happy about it.

The puppies were part of a quiz hosted by Stephen Mulhern, that involved BGT-related questions with adorable little puppies a prizes. However, the little Dalmatian looked terrified – probably by the large audience and new environment. Or, you know, the close proximity to Simon’s chest hair.

Simon quickly ditched the quiz when he realised how terrified his puppy was and got up to return him/her to his owner and put him in his carrier. He was reportedly heard telling production staff:They shouldnt be doing this.

And then allegedly spent some time with the owners making sure the puppies were well looked after and admitting that they should be taken home.

Mulhern went on to apologize later in the show for the use of the puppies, saying:

‘Very quickly, I just want to apologise if we upset anybody with the puppies. Obviously that was not our intention in any shape or form.

So if we have upset you in any way I do apologise on behalf of Britains Got More Talent.

And fans praised Simon for his actions:

Here’s a clip of the quiz and apology:

What do you think? Let us know in the comments

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